I stepped on the scale for the first time in a while today, and I didn’t like the numbers I saw. They were a high for me, and gave my confidence for the day an immediate hit. I couldn’t stop thinking about how these were more pounds I had to lose, more things to do, how I had to start giving up the foods I loved and devoting more of my time to grueling exercise and stern concentration.

Then I stopped for a moment and thought to myself “Wait, what?”

I was talking about reorienting my entire life to deal with my weight. And while I’m all for single-tasking, this was bordering on the obsessive, the way I was thinking about it. Why did I want to do that? Why was it so important to me to give up so many other things in my life, things I love and cherish, to focus on this?

Simply put, I was defining myself by my weight. I was saying to myself that those numbers were my way of either being proud or ashamed of myself. If they were X, I would be ashamed. If they were X-70, I’d be proud. (It’s not really that high, that’s just where science says my ideal weight would be). I was quickly putting the entirety of my life’s value behind those numbers.

But this kind of obsession is the kind of thing I’ve encountered a lot of as I’ve entered my twenties. Sometimes it’s marks, sometimes my employment status, sometimes my relationship status. And while I usually think these aren’t mutually exclusive, it’s usually one or the other I’m focusing on at any given time and defining myself by.

This is where I run into trouble, though. Because I’m not defined by the numbers on a scale, or the size of my paycheque, or what Facebook may say about my relationship status. I’m not defined by anything but myself, and what I choose to define myself by. It’s an abstract concept, but it’s something that really gelled in my mind today.

And while I’d like to change many of the things I mentioned above, letting any one of them define me is detrimental to my self-esteem and to the many other important aspects of my life that aren’t part of those things. So I’m choosing to define myself by what I try to do. That’s what makes the difference in my life, and in others.

How do you define yourself? Do you think it’s a good thing?