Old habits die hard is a cliche. It seems a little…over the top, habits dying. But it’s a cliche because it’s…well, true.

My visit to the nutritionist on Thursday was a tad discouraging. I was only down 1/4 of a pound from the last time I was there. She said this was natural, and that I shouldn’t get discouraged. When people have a big drop, she said, they usually bounce back up. The fact that I wasn’t actually above where I had been before was great.

I handed her my food diary, and she started critiquing a few of my choices, giving me a slightly disparaging look whenever she’d see something I shouldn’t be eating on there. Not unkind, not without understanding, just a kind of quiet “come on, really?” look. I’d have the immediate urge to justify it, to explain it, to make her say “Oh, yes, I can understand. I would’ve done the same in your position.” It made me realize how often I have the urge to do that. To explain myself, to try and make people see it from my point of view and to sympathize and relate. 

It’s pointless, though. This woman is rail thin and super healthy. Her look says there’s no real excuse for it, that I should’ve chosen something else that would’ve been healthier and satisfied my craving. This isn’t someone where I can say “I just really needed McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets” and she’d nod knowingly.

That attitude is what I need though.

After the weigh-in I headed out for dinner with a friend before TwestivalTO. I discussed with him my experiences so far, and pointed out the difficulty and rigidity of her meal plan for me. I told him how, tonight, I’d decided I was going to stray from that a bit, and have some fries. But I was going to have the chicken instead of the burger, no appetizer and no dessert, both of which I’d have done a month ago, because I’d had a rough day, and I’d earned it.

He said what she had me on was an A+ diet, and that I was coming from a C diet (I think he was being generous in that; I’d have called it a D- diet). But for me to lose weight and be healthy, a B+ diet would really be pretty good too, and that I shouldn’t go too crazy with it.

On to TwestivalTO we went. I had more than a few beers (again, the nutritionist suggests light beers, but let’s face it, I don’t have more than a few beers for the taste) and had a good time. Met a few Twitter celebrities and was probably a little more starstruck than I should have been. My social anxiety, however, kicked in to high gear. I worried about how I was acting, I was scared to approach people, and tried to drown it a bit.

Did not work.

On the way home, I grabbed two chocolate bars for the train.

The sad thing? They weren’t even that tasty.

The next day I did alright. At night I ended up snacking more than I should have, waiting for dinner to cook, but it wasn’t the end of the world. Had some beef stew, when I probably should’ve had a salad with some chicken. But it was there, I was tired, and it was easy.

Today, I slept in, got up, made a light, filling, healthy breakfast, and sat down to blog about it.

I slipped up. Fell back into old habits. I may get a disparaging look from her when I see her next (Monday, for those of you following along at home). But I got up today and started again. It’s about picking up where you left off, and not giving up. It’s about making healthy choices every time you can and not going crazy when you can’t don’t.

Because you can’t ever really win. You can’t beat bad eating. You can make good eating a habit, but that old habit will always be there too. It is about constant vigilance and taking it one snack at a time. Or, better yet, one bite at a time.