I went up half a pound my last time at the nutritionist.

She told me this was fairly normal after my huge initial weight loss, reminded me that muffins are essentially the least healthy thing you can eat, and sent me on my way. While I was slightly deflated, I took it in stride. I was already fitting into some things I hadn’t in a while, and was seeing encouraging numbers on the scale. Besides, it was only half a pound.

Then it was a friend’s birthday at a place with great pub food.

Then it was Easter dinner.

Then it was Easter with so much candy and chocolate.

So I’d be willing to bet good money I’ll be up tomorrow as well. I did try and go for a run today, and I am doing my best outside the candy, so…we’ll see how much I’m up.

It’s like any habit, though. You fall off, and you get back on.

So I’m going to watch a badass movie first. What’s a badass movie, you ask? I’m glad you asked.

These are movies featuring badass people that I admire. Well, let’s qualify that. These are, generally, fictional people, doing things that I in no way ever want to do. Jason Bourne is a great example of this, so is Bond in Casino Royale, Don Draper in Mad Men, George Clooney’s character in Up In The Air, the real Ewan MacGregor in Long Way Round/Down and Joshua Jackson’s character in One Week. Some of it is physical badassery, like being able to overcome great physical obstacles and take down superior enemies, while some of it is more mental badassery or style-based badassery. But these things inspire me. I know I will never fit in a suit the way Don Draper does, and I will never be able to take down multiple armed enemies the way Jason Bourne does. But I can get a little closer if I focus on my goals and work at it. And while martial arts is not really something I want to pursue, that level of physical excellence is inspiring. All these things make me think that if I work hard and keep at it, I can and will be able to do some of the things they do.

The other thing that gets me back on the wagon is girls.

I know, I know, I should do this for myself, not for others. And I am, for the most part. But a large part of why I’m doing this to feel more confident in my own skin.

And so for inspiration, I do occasionally think back on the ones who got away. I have some old pictures I rifle through, I seek out a mutual friend and find out what one of these girls is up to. There’s a couple who I always liked, but never got up the courage to approach. The way they acted, held themselves, the things they accomplished, all inspired me to be a better person and made me want to have this awesome person in my life. I wanted to be more like them and wanted to be able to measure up, so I could have the courage to chat them up and see what happened.

Odds are I would have put these girls on pedestals and it never would have worked anyway. But they serve as inspiration. I’ve dated some amazing girls, but it’s the ones I never tried for that both haunt, and drive me to do more, to be better. So that the next time I meet one of those, I’ll be ready.

Cause they always, always, come out of nowhere.

On Thursday I met with the nutritionist. She’s very intense, very downtown core. I’m coming to find people who work in the downtown core seem to be cut from the same cloth. They’re fast, direct, cut and dry. Very business. While I enjoy working there for now, the more time I spend there, the more I wonder if that world is really where I want to be forever.

But that’s another post.

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